The diversity of the queer community never stops to amuse us. The models of the good, bad and ugly, of the world in general are fairly represented in the queer community as well. But what’s more fascinating is the shades of grey that’s not necessarily good or bad that exists in the world in general and queer community in particular. Here is one such grey shade, called, ‘queen’ which i came across in the small world that I live in and this article is about the amusement that this shade gives me from its largely consistent patterns of behavior, as it appears to some of us.
Often the word ‘Queen’ is either described by themselves or by others about effeminate biological men who are attracted to other men, who are not necessarily uncomfortable with their biological sex but are happy to be addressed with feminine pronouns. The definition of this word and hence whom to call a queen is mostly controversial, to the extent that ‘queens’ might tend to describe other probable ‘queens’ only as ‘aspiring’ ones. In other words, a ‘queen’ is a ‘queen’ in her own terms, if she decides so, and who cares if others accept it or not.
No, not really understood, right? So let me search google dictionary about what does the word ‘queen’ lead us to? Here it is.
Now, without getting into intricacies of each of the sentence described in the dictionary meaning (and especially the ‘verb’ meaning of it), and there by exposing myself to anger of queens, I guess over all, we can fairly understand what a queen might mean, isn’t it?
Now, what does this all boil down to in the queer world? Or rather in the world of ‘queer men’? There exist biological men, who call themselves ‘queens’, and imagine having the power of ruling an independent state, and more often, the ‘state’ being the whole world that they know. Now, of course, most ‘men’ in this world would not accept someone else to rule them, and surely not if it’s a ‘feminine’ person, thanks to the patriarchal structures that we live in. But does that stop ‘queens’ to be themselves? No. And rightly so. But does this personality work for them in long run? Does this distance them from others? What do others perceive them as?
A friend tells me how he recognizes them, through their behavioral patterns. Here is what he says: a ‘queen’ always talks about herself, whether it's during praising herself or during insulting others, the bottomline is it’s about herself because for her, the world revolves around her. She would only give feedback and almost never ever takes it. Her view or definition of anything automatically becomes the world’s view/definition because she IS the world. She would typically not approach others for romantic interest and expects others to approach her but she pleases you to her best, if she sees great potential in you to please her to ‘her best’.
Now, some of us may relate to what he says but some of us may find this too generalized and very offensive. In one way or the other, to some extent or more, most of us have these traits, but are we able to see this traits more often because they happen to be from effeminate persons, who are otherwise expected to have the ‘girly’ traits of being calm, nice and submissive?
And another thing I find problematic is people coming and telling me how they are fed up of queens, their attitudes, egos and how the queer community is so unhealthy because of their behavior, bitching etc. But I see the world a bit differently. I feel it's not that difficult to have a peaceful life dealing with them and in fact one can have quite a memorable, lovely life having them as friends. Most of them that I came across are very good people at heart and can do anything for you if they recognize your goodness or if you approach them gently. Of course, that doesn’t mean one needs to ‘put-up’ with ‘abuse’ but the feedback needs to be to the point, firm and yet gentle.
Here are a few simple tips that many have suggested me in dealing with queens in general and worked for me to a great extent: recognizing the goodness of a person which is hidden behind their supposedly ‘rude’ behavior, keeping strategically quiet when the other person is angry and yet not ‘compromise’ on ‘our stand’ or accept ‘abuse’, giving positive and appreciative feedback loudly in public while not so positive feedback quietly in person (and definitely not on whatsapp), avoiding comparison of one person with the other (everybody is unique and best, you know), not clinging on too much to ‘past’ bitterness as long as we see an overall value in them.
Of Course, these tips are not necessarily to do with ‘queens’ but applicable to most people we deal with, in our day to day relationships or bonds, but that might also be because, all of us are ‘queens’ in our own ways, right? :)
No comments:
Post a Comment